Her Name is Rachel

Leaving the lodge after a three-day conference for women, I tried to process what I had gained and just how great the weekend had been.   As I maneuvered the lake roads, I praised God and settled in for the hour-long drive home.  Soon the thought came that I needed to make no stops on the way; I sensed the thought was from God and I said out loud, "Ok, Father...I'll just keep on driving."  And I was happy to do just that.

Then I saw...The Store.  It was one I'd been hearing about, newly opened, and there was the parking lot entry just up ahead.  With hardly any reaction time, I made the turn and pulled up in front of the shopping paradise I had been dreaming of!  Fantastic!

But you said you'd go straight home.  (Conscience calling.)  It's all right, I'll just run in, take a quick look around, and run right back out again.  It won't take long at all. 

But YOU SAID you'd go straight home.  It's o-kay!  I may not have this chance again for a long time, and all I need is a few minutes! 

My flesh won that round with hardly a struggle.  I got myself organized, opened the car door, reached for the keys in the ignition...they weren't there.  Wait a minute...I looked in my purse...no keys.  I looked on the seat beside me.  I felt around on the floor.  Then I jumped out of the car and thoroughly searched everywhere I could think to look.  NO KEYS.  Back in the driver's seat.  They have to be in my purse...I started emptying it out for better results.  When that didn't work, I got a little frantic.  Those keys could not just disappear!  I got outside again, groped under the seat, behind the seat and looked once more under the car.  "THIS IS TOTALLY CRAZY!" I said with exasperation...and then...I just stopped.

Sliding back into my car, I couldn't help but chuckle as the whole thing hit me.  What was I thinking, Father?  I'm sorry.  I need to do what I said I would do, and whatever's in that store is obviously not worth it, so if You'll show me my keys now, I'll get back on the road.

As unbelievable as it sounds, within about one second my eyes fell on the keys I absolutely could not see a moment before!  Thank You, Father.  I threw my head back and laughed.  Once I was blind, but now I can see!  Let's go home!

As I pulled back into traffic, a talk show was just getting started on my favorite Christian radio station.  The program was about ministering to people mourning the loss of their stillborn babies.  I found myself relating to much of what was said, even though 25 years had passed since I lost a baby, and the situation for me had been miscarriage.  The counselor spoke of the importance of naming these babies, saying it gives a necessary closure, helping the healing process.  He talked about how using the child's name in future conversations would add to the whole family's wellbeing.

It wasn't long before I figured out parts of my soul still needed healing.  The laughter of a few minutes ago was replaced by tears slipping down my cheeks - and I was so sure I was beyond all this!   "I'm so very glad I heard this," I told the Lord when it was over, "and You knew I would be.  You knew if I got sidetracked by that store, the program on the airwaves would never have hit my ears, and I would have missed something BIG!"

"I don't know if this child of mine is a boy or a girl, but You do, Father, and I'm asking You in Jesus' name to let me know his or her name.  Thank You, Lord, for providing everything I need, even when I don't know I need it!"

A few days after my return home, the answer came.  There was no audible voice, but from somewhere right in the middle of my spirit came this:  "Her name is Rachel."  Her name is Rachel!  I have another daughter and my daughters have another sister!  Praise God...Thank You, God...You are so incomparably good to Your children!!

Passing that particular obedience test, even a little bit late, blessed me in ways I still find hard to understand or to describe.  Knowing Rachel's name has taken the hard edges off the loss of her.  It has made her real.  She has gone from being "the baby I lost in 1975" to being a beautiful, sweet daughter who travels around Heaven visiting with her dad and a host of grandparents and other relatives.  I imagine her cheering on her sisters and me and the rest of the family as we gain spiritual ground, eagerly anticipating our own gathering together time...and it's a lovely, comforting picture.

You know, every time I remember "losing" my keys for a few minutes one day, I smile.  Giving up on a quick shopping trip I didn't need placed me in position to receive such a truly valuable gift from God, the gift of knowing her name is Rachel.