He Was So Wrong...

One day not long ago, five words out of a man's mouth hurt me like I'd been punched in the face. 

He is not part of the family nor our church family; he's not even a friend.  He's a professional man we've dealt with only a little.  He made a personal, verbal attack against me with no background and no basis of truth.  I was totally unprepared for his remark and it absolutely shocked me.  Pretty quickly, the shock wore off and I got mad.  Before long, the anger got worse and I justified hanging on to it, because, after all... he was so wrong!

Five little words made me feel belittled and condemned.  They were so completely unfair.  Every time I remembered them, hot tears would spring up and demand a fight. 

After stroking my indignation and pain a few days, I took notice of the wall building up between the Lord and me.   My desire for Him was being choked out; anxiety and unrest were taking its place.  His Word, so powerfully life-changing usually, had become dry and impersonal.  It seemed I could hardly stay focused during prayer time.  As I thought about this, a reprimand rose up in my spirit:  You don't think you need to forgive this guy.  You think the fact that you're so right and he's so very wrong makes you exempt from having to let this go. 

I tried to do what I knew was right, but the words "I forgive him" sounded hollow and fake.  I really did not want to let him get away with what he had done.

It was clear I needed help, so I pulled out a book I'd read a couple years ago, Total Forgiveness by R.T. Kendall.  This time I didn't have to get past the introduction.  Writing about a similar time in his life, Mr. Kendall said he realized he seems to lose inner peace most quickly by allowing bitterness into his heart.  "I made a decision for inner peace," he wrote.  "But I found that I had to carry out that decision by a daily commitment to forgive those who hurt me, and to forgive them totally." 

He said he had to let them utterly off the hook and resign himself to this knowledge: 

1) The people who wronged him wouldn't get caught or found out.

2) Nobody would ever know what they did.

3) They would prosper and be blessed as if they had done no wrong.

Mr. Kendall then wrote that he actually began to will these things, praying for them to happen!  He asked God to forgive them, but noted he has had to do this every day to keep the peace within his heart.  "Having been on both sides," he wrote, "I can tell you:  The peace is better.  The bitterness isn't worth it."

Wow!  With that reminder, I was able to sincerely say,  "I forgive him, Father, and I bless him in Jesus' name.  Forgive me for taking so long to get to this place." 

Someone once said we can be right and still be wrong.  It's still true that the hurtful words and the man who spoke them were wrong.  But letting go of the bitterness that tried to take root in my heart was so right...definitely, the peace is so much better!




And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God...Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.  And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.  From Ephesians 4:30-32